Scarlet and Emily Jones' Angry Game Review Collection
by Christopher Spielberg
Summary: Inspired and based on TheAngryJoeShow, Scarlet from Star Darlings and Emily Jones from LEGO Elves (for some chapters) review bad (also good) video games, criticizing and commenting on what's good or bad about those games, in either serious, angry or funny ways. I DON'T own any of characters, rants, or anything else, just my inspiration and imagination. Rated T-M for bad language.
1. Scarlet - Thor: God of Thunder

**Notes: Taking place immediately after the Scarlet's Angry Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts 1 & 2 Games and some time after Emily Jones' Angry Review of Ride to Hell: Retribution and Scarlet's Angry Review on Rambo: The Video Game, Scarlet come face to face with two new awful games that she has to review to her friends after playing it, the first being Thor and the second being Green Lantern.**

 **The first in a series of reviews, because I decided to make a collection so I don't have to make too much one-shot review stories on this and make it a multi-chapter, multi-story collection, featuring Scarlet from Star Darlings and Emily Jones from LEGO Elves reviewing on some bad and even good video games. I DO NOT own ANY of the rants/reviews, characters, content or anything in this story, just my inspiration. Based on The Angry Joe Show (one of my inspirations).**

 **(Part 1 of 2)**

Scarlet relaxes as she comes back in her dorm room, gladly finishing her conversation with her starling friends, coming over to the pile of four games on her desk, saying, "All right, what's next on the review list? Stack of games- Oh!", looking to see both Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts 1 & 2 games on the pile, saying, "How did that get in- I thought I...Oh, done with those ones.", tossing the two Harry Potter games aside. "All rig- OH NO!", she was horrified on the third game in the pile, which reveals to be Thor: God of Thunder. "No, Thor, god, no! What's tha-", she pleads, looking under the Thor game reveal the fourth and final one to be Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters. "OH! OH, no, please! I don't wanna do it- Oh, it's 3D! No, what could be worse!", Scarlet overreacted. "I can't do it...I can't do it anymore!", she sobbed, who she now has to check and play the first game out, Thor: God of Thunder, then afterwards (in Part 2), Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters.

* * *

 **Scarlet's Angry Review of Thor: God of Thunder**

Returning to the Lightning Lounge (takes place after Scarlet's angry reviews on Rambo, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 & 2 games), Scarlet regroups her friends Sage, Libby, Leona and the rest as well as her girlfriend Vega, who the magenta-black starling starts her review, "Thor: God of Thunder the Video Game is about as copy and paste as you can get. It simply sucks. And if anybody tells you otherwise, they're lying to you! It's a third-person hack-and-slash, in the same vein as God of War. But ironically enough, comparing God of War to the God of Thunder, is like comparing the extraordinary, entertaining and best sci-fi Wishworld movie sequel ever, Aliens, to the off-brand, looks like horrifying terrible Italian ASS, Alien 2: On Earth! (If you don't know about this ripoff movie, DON'T watch it, it may cause nightmares to some. I hated it. I prefer Aliens better.)", she says, borrowing Vega's Starzap and shows a poster of the James Cameron movie Aliens, and using her own to show a poster of the terribly awful Italian ripoff Alien 2: On Earth, which scares the other starlings. "They _aren't_ even on the same PLANE!", she also argues, deleting the poster images of both films from the Starzaps as she turns them off, "One is the worst kind of generic, ripoff copycat, without an original bone in it's body. It's single-player. But I've played enough movie-licensed games...to know, that I am not gonna play this, by myself. Hell, no. I would be like, _Please don't suck, please don't suck, please don't suck!_ while I'm dressed up for every goddamn review, and I would be damned to stop then."

"We agree, Scarlet. Even that Alien 2: On Earth Wishworld Italian ripoff is the worst and scariest to us. I prefer the movie Aliens better, even though we didn't watch the first or second Alien movies yet, as well as that awful movie you showed us. But other than that, the Thor game probably is a bit of a ripoff too.", Sage and Cassie said.

The third-year starling continues, "Thor is also really light on gameplay modes. You've got your single-player campaign...and that's it. As far as options go, you can select the different costumes for Thor, with his hat, without his hat, and some old comic costumes. You can even select the color of his thunder. Blue, purple, yellow, red...that's the extent you're gonna get for options. Oh, and how can I forget? 3D. Now I know the movie's 3D was fucking terrible..."

* * *

 **Yesterday**

After Scarlet had played the Thor: God of Thunder game and watched the 3D movie of Thor yesterday, she had an angry expression while a notification said, _**Warning! Incoming 3D Rant!**_ , before the starling criticized about the 3D in Thor, " **The 3D in this movie is pointless! POINTLESS!** ", before getting up and shouted out, " **No more fucking pointless 3D MOVIIIIIIEEES!** ", holding Thor's hammer with electricity surging from it.

* * *

"Thankfully, this mode I didn't have to play through because I didn't have a 3D-capable TV, and I would probably get one soon. So, I DIDN'T have to play 3D. That's one of the positives in this game, not having to play it in 3D. However the rest of it, is gonna go kinda like this, which involves bad 3D on 2D-certified TVs.", told Scarlet.

Libby and Leona both said, "Whoa. We should use 3D TVs instead of 2D TVs. Sounds innovative."

"But to it's credit, or maybe actually it's detriment, the game doesn't follow the movie's storyline. You wanna go to Earth? Too bad! You wanna see a hot-ass Natalie Portman? Too bad! Instead, you're gonna be travelling through nine worlds in an effort to stop a menace, who could threaten Asgard and the ENTIRE universe! Sounds pretty cool, right? Unfortunately, it's not. The story itself isn't very compelling or memorable. After just a few short hours, you're gonna find yourself completely disinterested, and you're gonna be forcing yourself through the rest of the game. EVERYTHING, looks the same. You have your eyes swirled- I mean, you have your Ice World, your Forest World, your Volcano World! The same backgrounds with the same arenas repeated over, and over, and over, and over, and over! You're gonna think you're going, in circles. If that's not bad enough, each world, there's only like four enemy types; Frost giants, frost triants, and guess what, MORE frost giants!", the third-year starling said, the last part making her use the swear finger when counting with her fingers, skipping the middle finger to put down the index, the ring and pinky fingers.

Vega answers, "Really? A limited amount of enemies instead of a dozen kinds? This game has issues, love.", to Scarlet.

"That's the variety of enemies you'll have, until you reach a boss, kill it with the same...top-context sensitive buttons over and over and over, until you reach the next story cutscene. I forgot to mention, in the game, the goddess of war Sif was killed off, different from the movies!", the magenta-black starling criticized.

Piper and Clover gasped, "Oh my... But we have to admit, the bosses, enemies and continuity to the movies have problems too."

"So you go around in third-person mashing the same buttons over and over executing Thor combos, until you reach a boss where you exploit it's ONE weakness, until you defeat it, and get then next story cutscene.", Scarlet continued.

Vivica comes in the lounge, asking naughtily, "So, it's sorta like a God of War clone, star dippers?", before Scarlet suddenly punched the mean girl in the face, out of the lounge, which surprises Vega, Sage, Libby, Leona and the other seven starlings.

"Shut up, Vivica! Ugh...and your legendary hammer, it doesn't feel powerful. There's no weight behind it. It might as well be made out of cardboard. It just makes your basic attacks...boring, like the rest of the game! You might crack a faint smile, when you execute one of those slow-motion finishers, but by the third and fourth one, you're gonna be bored of 'em, sick of 'em.", resumed the third-year starling.

Astra and Gemma both said, "So we guess this is different...? Awesome with the slo-mo, but not sure about how critical those attacks are."

"How immensely frustrating is it, to go through an entire level, die right before you beat the sub-boss, and have to go all the way back, to the beginning? And these checkpoints are positioned so poorly that you're gonna be fighting, waves and waves and waves over and over just to get to that frustrating point you were at. It's punishing. And it's WAY too repetitive, on top of a game that's simply already repetitive. It's just one of those games, where you're gonna break your controller because it's so fucking lazy! The game is filled with kill the entire room, to magically open the door, to move on. That's all it is. No, I'm serious. The entire game is this way. Oh, and some point you'll have to kill an enemy in the distance, that you cannot reach at all, through no means, so you have to knock his attacks back at him until he dies, for THIS door to open up. It's completely stupid! It was made back in 2011, girls!", the magenta-black starling complains about the respawn and difficulty issues in the game.

Adora and Tessa also said, "We agree on that one too. Going through the entire level is so frustratingly stressful, like losing a save file on anything."

"You're gonna get 10 hours or so of gameplay, so there's more to this than say the Iron Man 1 & 2 tie-in games. Whether or not, you're even gonna wanna stick around for all of it, that's the question. I know I wanted it to end. I don't know what's worse; 4 hours of garbage, or _12 HOURS_ of garbage! **12 HOURS!** ", Scarlet then says the runtime problem.

Sage, Libby and Leona were shocked, "Whoa. 12 hours? That's eight hours worse than the Rambo and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows games!"

"Even the loading is so frustrating, I was like _LOAD ALREADY_! And the graphics, just forget the backgrounds, even the lightning effects are shitty. It looks like an XBOX game- It is an XBOX game. What's the best part of it, let's slow down, find a good thing about it, okay? Found it. The-the most powerful super moves and these finishers. Like I said if you see it once or twice, they get pointless. It's not like the Mortal Kombat X-Rays where there's variations on it depending on who you're hitting. Well, that game has 27 different Mortal Kombat fighters, and you have to like, strategically choose when you execute this, no, here, you execute it at a very specific point when a button context happens on screen, and it's the same enemies over and over- In fact, Mortal Kombat has more fighters in it's roster than this game has enemy types. I'm not joking. Really? Really, guys? Who...who...who?", asks Scarlet questioningly.

Vega, Piper and Clover answer, "Well, probably the developers of the game. Enough said."

"I...I play these games, because I wanna inform people on staying away from crap, or alternatively to love those games at times. I also wanna check in on the state, of movie-licensed games. To be a service to you to say, _Hey, movie-licensed games, they ain't terrible anymore, let's go check it out!_ Somebody has to keep an eye on it, to see if things have changed, there may actually be a day, where movie-licensed games are actually good. And I can say _Wow, the Thor game was pretty damn awesome! You should play it!_ That's why I bought this piece of starfing shit. You know, and I heard that the Nintendo DS version of the game, is kinda cool and a little better than the console versions. But even the browser version of the game is probably worth more time than this one. So, for this particular movie-licensed game, the time has not come. It's terrible. The final verdict for Thor: God of Thunder is 3/10. So dull, so mundane that it was really hard for me to be creative and think of...ideas on how to make this entertaining. That's what took me so long. How does it even get a 3/10? Well, it's not complete, utter, trash like some other games out there I have to review which is broken, at least it had something like the voice actors from the movie, Thor...but it's so dull and boring! It even deserves a 3/10. And it's so difficult to playthrough, it's...it's shit. There. Review, done. Blog it into the galactic files, broadcast it to all sectors.", spoke the magenta-black third-year starling Scarlet.

Sage, Libby, Leona, Vega and the other starlings clapped, "Yes, Scarlet! Well done! You go, girl!"

"There, I did it! I reviewed Thor, done, I'm done!", finished Scarlet with her review, Vega like the other times kissing her on the cheek. The third-year starling thought to herself, _"Now to finish off the next review with that other game, Green Lantern..."_ , as this chapter finishes off the Thor: God of Thunder review by Scarlet.


	2. Scarlet - Green Lantern: ROTM

**Note: My final chapter for this story before I take a break and work on my Christmas crossover story. This fanfic will continue in January or February 2018 with the 2016 Ghostbusters game.**

 **(Part 2 of 2)**

Scarlet was angrily staring at the Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters game sitting on the table, thinking to herself, "Okay...one more movie-licensed game to go...time to review you, Green Lantern...", vowing to review on the Green Lantern video game...

* * *

The next day after her review of Thor: God of Thunder and her playthrough of Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters, Scarlet goes to the Lightning Lounge as always with her friends, and her girlfriend Vega, meeting with her there, as she starts off her review on this game, "What can I say, about the Green Lantern video game? That you don't already know? It's a movie-licensed game, AND...it's in **3D!** "

"3D? Again, like Thor? What is it this time for 3D?", worried Sage and Libby.

The third-year starling discusses, "Red and cyan 3D glasses! That's right; even if you don't have a 3D-enabled television, they say, that's okay, not a problem, here's some 3D glasses for ya! We'll do it the shitty way! Why, I don't need to tell you girls, that the 3D effect on that is SHIT! It was shit in 1950's, and then shit now!"

"Yeah, by the looks of it, the 3D red and cyan mode must look awful.", Vega told.

The magenta-black starling nods, "Especially when playing a fast-moving video game. It's like- It's like looking through a...cardboard tube, while that cardboard tube is shat in at with red and blue cyan shit- Whatever. Green Lantern is just like the rest of them, just this lazy ass copycat, movie-licensed game, like Thor: God of Thunder. It plays like God of War and Devil May Cry, as you level up your character with combos and abilities as you fight the same repetitive enemies over and over in a linear fashion until you get to the next cutscene. Like the Thor game. That's it. That is it! Now the story in this one doesn't follow the movie. It opens the same way; the Green Lantern Abur Sur dies, passing his power ring to you, Hal Jordan, and then you discover that you're part of a larger Corps, but instead of fighting Parallax like in the film, which would've been way cooler, you're fighting the Manhunters. Which was the guardians of previous police corps, an endless army of identical looking robot enemies, gone bad! They attack Oa and all the Green Lanterns are tasked to stopping them. Riveting. It's not really compelling but the music and the voice acting is done well enough, it'll keep you going for a time. The cutscenes don't look as ridiculous as in Thor, Ryan Reynolds lends his voice to this; he tries to be funny, but this just doesn't work. Just turns out ironic when he complains about the very same thing. Too many towers to be shot down."

"Okay. That sounds a bit better than that bad Thor game earlier.", Leona and Cassie mentioned and rated that part, "Although there's still issues in the game that gamers find awful."

Scarlet continues, "I know, right? How about not putting that many towers in the game? However, I will say that the gameplay is slightly better than Thor, this for two main reasons. Okay, this one has cooperative through the entire single-player campaign, and your attacks and combos, are just more fun to play with the Green Lantern constructs. The opening level also has some great backgrounds during the invasion!"

"Definitely. Better than that bad Thor game a bit.", says Piper, Clover and Astra.

The third-year starling then said, "First off, the power of the Green Lantern ring, the most powerful ring in the universe, allows you to create constructs. These are far more engaging and fun than 10 variations on the way you throw your hammer."

"Like Thor: God of Thunder...", Gemma, Adora and Tessa get the point.

The magenta-black starling also added, "They allow you to do such things as create a hammer..."

"Yeah, yeah...?", Sage, Libby and Leona nodded.

Scarlet then continued, "...but besides that, there's also uh, spikes, bombs, gatling guns, uh, you get to create your own mech construct, and even a jet fighter."

"Wow, we always thought this game has everything the Green Lantern can do.", the second-year starling Vega, as well as fellow starlings Cassie and Astra said.

The third-year starling points out, "I'll give it to the game, these are fun to play around with. You feel like you have the power of the Green Lantern."

"Yeah, it's because it's a Green Lantern game!", dazzled Piper and Clover.

The magenta-black starling criticized, "But granted in the comics, the ring is only supposed to be limited by your imagination. But in the game, that's not possible...for obvious reasons."

"Oh, it's some sort of GTA game, isn't it?", questioned Gemma, Adora and Tessa.

Scarlet answers, "Sort of. Well, you can't create your own constructs. The more obvious missing feature is the ability to fly."

"Some platformer. Not like the best Wii games Super Mario Galaxy 1 & 2 with the red power star.", Libby and Leona commented.

The third-year starling then said, "Uh, last time I checked, the Green Lantern can fly."

"Yes, this game may have some problems with the flying mechanism too.", Sage, Cassie and Vega point out.

The magenta-black starling argued about this game complication, "But its just like in Thor! You have to go to a predetermined point, in the game level, before you get this leaping animation, getting from place to place. Come on, guys! I'm playing with a gift Green Lantern here. It's like these games were made by the same company...but, but they aren't. As if somebody was clearly cheating off another here. But it's like cheating off of the paper of this stupidest kid in class! Stop it! You know, you do sort of get to fly in these level variations that weren't present in Thor, these On-Rails-Shooter segments do attempt to try some variety in the game so kudos there and then they do a little bit to spice up the different locations in the game."

"Some good, some bad too then. Doesn't sound bad to us, unless if some of the games' performance is bad.", Astra, Piper and Clover thumbs-upped.

Scarlet says, "But overall, they're forgettable. Like I said, the game is co-op, so if you're gonna play this because you're some kind of Green Lantern nut or you're forced to play it for a review show because your fans find it funny to torture you with movie-licensed based games, who then I recommend that you find a friend to trick to come over with you."

"That does remind us of Youtube review show celebrities, but that's a really good recommendation. Probably the camera wouldn't be good as well in the game.", Adora, Tessa and Gemma accepted.

The third-year starling then continues, "It's drop-in drop-out co-op, so that's good, and your cooperative player will be playing as Sinestro."

"Huh. Co-op with Sinestro." Vega and Sage both said.

The magenta-black starling included, "But when-when he was a good guy."

"Oh, so Sinestro's a villain.", Cassie, Libby and Leona thought out loud.

Scarlet then reviewed more, "And honestly in that mode, it's satisfying to lay the beat down on bosses together."

"Talk about co-op then. Sometimes two is better than one.", Piper, Clover, Astra, Adora, Tessa and Gemma all said.

The third-year starling goes on with the conclusion of her review, "It definitely improves the game as it does with any game, but other than that, there's not much else to say about this game that I haven't covered already in Thor. It's the same game on the Green Lantern. It's linear nature makes for a little incentive to play through again especially when there's no multiplayer options, at all. So the final verdict for Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters is twofold for me. It's a 4/10, if you're playing by yourself. It's slightly below average, more needed to be done with the Green Lantern license. Now, if you manage to find a friend to play it with you couch co-op, it's not gonna seem this long and drawn-out, but it's just gonna end up a mediocre game. At best. For the co-op verdict for this game, coming in about 5/10. There are far better games to spend your money on whether you're a DC fan or a Green Lantern fan. Hell, try out DC Universe Online for a month, they just released a Green Lantern expansion, because this game, this game's nothing more than a weekend rental at best. It may be better than Thor, but that's not saying very much, since the game clocks in about 6-7 hours too."

"Nice rating and nice facts on better Green Lantern games, Scarlet. You still do have the charm like your other reviews!", Sage and Vega happily said, as the two and the other nine clapped for Scarlet once again in cheer.

The magenta-black starling finished, "Okay, Thor's done, Green Lantern's done, Movie-licensed game reviewing is over for now! It's time for me to stick to reviewing other games, so I'll see you on the next review, girls.", before she leaves the lounge as the other eleven starlings go back to their daily Starland routine in Starling Academy.

THE END


End file.
